How did we end up here?

How did I end up here? What got me to this place where I am less than 2 months away, 6 weeks to be precise, from doing my 2nd half marathon? Especially considering I did not have fond memories of the first one and I swore I would never do another one again. In order to best understand that, we have to go back to where this current journey all started.

Mid-October 2015. I was right around my heaviest weight ever, heavier than 6 years ago when I had started my weight loss journey. I was mad at myself. I was mad body. I was even mad at God a little. And then my co-worker started mentioning that she needed more people to sign up on her Shamrock Race team. It was still 5 months away, I figure I had plenty of time to train and survive the 15k event. But the more I trained, the more I doubted, the more my legs objected to all the work, the more the idea of 15 kilometers (9.3 miles) seemed very scary and very, very undoable. So, the day of the race, I switched to the 8k. And it still took me forever and a day, well at least it felt like that. It was raining, my legs hurt, I cried. I faked a smile every time I saw a camera. I faked a smile in hopes I could convince myself I was actually having fun. I didn’t bother faking a smile by the time I got to the finish line. I was cold and wet and miserable. And I literally crossed the finish line and walked straight to the car.

But something happened during that experience. Call it a seed being planted. Call it being bitten by the bug. Call it what you want, but there is no denying it. I didn’t actually die. I didn’t quit walking. In fact, I started signing up for local small races. Pretty regularly actually.

*Discover Spring 5k. There was absolutely no excuse for me to miss this one. It is literally out my front door. There are banners, and fun messages on the sidewalks, and at the 2 mile mark was the most encouraging bear hug possible, and my friend coming back to run the last straight stretch with me, just like we had done the year before. And while I didn’t do as well as I wanted to, I finished faster than I had the year before. And I learned that day just how much fun it can be to tangibly see yourself get better at something. 

*Glow for Africa 5k. This was one of my fav’s this year. My girl Jaydee is in the Doctor of Physical Therapy program at George Fox University. She has introduced me to some amazing people in the last year. This race is put on by the students as a fundraiser for their trip to Africa at the end of their 2^nd year. I felt it was only right to support these girls, and the team a year ahead of them. Nice little run through campus, complete with glow paint, families out in their yards cheering you on, and dinner out with friends afterwards. This one I felt great about.                    

*Armed Forces 5k. No matter how many races I end up doing, this one will always hold a special place in my heart. If you know me at all you know I am one of the proudest Army Brats out there, and I will support and defend our Military Service members and their families with everything I have. Which meant showing up in my Army Brat tee-shirt was a must. And that also meant my uncle had to show up in his Navy Veteran shirt. And while I knew that in the family rivalry Navy was going to win this battle, if you know my uncles story from this year, you know how much of a miracle it is that he is alive, much less running. Also, this was the first race I can distinctly remember passing people! I might not have met me time goal, but I was faster than my uncle thought I would be, so he didn’t get to run the end with me like he had planned on. 

*Samurai 5k in Sheridan. Whoever sat there and was able to map out a route in city streets like actually looks like a samurai warrior is a genius. Nice warm morning, but a fun event. I got to watch my friend Randi run with her son for his first 5k. How little I knew then, that shortly she would not only talk me into but also promise to stay with me for my 2^nd half-marathon. I felt good, I felt strong, I conquered those hills, and there was no stopping me. 

*Turkey Trot 5k however made me question a lot. My legs hurt, not only did I not so as well as I wanted to, I didn’t do as well as previous races. Going in to this my only “training” had been the weekly Bitter Runners. It really showed me how much slacking off on training and letting stress get to you can affect you negatively.                            

 

*Parker Moore 3.5 mile. I know not technically a 5k. Parker Moore was a student at the local college who was killed in a stabbing late at night. I was working that night. It was one of the worst nights of work for me.  It sucked. Big time. I wasn’t really sure how this was going to go. I knew physically I could do 3.5 miles, that wasn’t a problem. My back had been bothering me for a little over a month at this point; while it had gotten a lot stronger it still had moments where I would find myself in tears in hurt so much. But the part that was the most nerve wracking about this day for me was more the emotional aspect of it.  I had never done a race where I was so emotionally connected to the events around it. Thankfully I ran into a friend of mine at the beginning and we simply walked and talked the whole time. We talked about that night, we talked about the fall out the next day, we talked about her work in Africa every year, we talked about which PT clinic I am going to and we finished in less than an hour! Which wasn’t something I thought I was going to be able to do when I woke up that morning. 

Are we there yet? Not quite. Somewhere between Turkey Trot and the Parker Moore I saw a race on Facebook. I posted something about it on Facebook to see if any of my friends wanted to join me. I swear, I meant the 5k…I was getting pretty good at those. Somehow though, Randi talked me into the Half-freaking-Marathon. Looking back though, she didn’t have to work that hard at it. Before I knew it I was registered, had a training plan on the calendar and was starting to work on costume ideas. However, life is not measured in steady single direction progress. Because wouldn’t you know it, the day my training plan stars is the same day my back decided it wanted to misbehave.  Steroids, visit with the doctor, chiropractor, and 8 weeks of Physical Therapy later I am feeling stronger. Not back to “normal” but definite progress is being made. And not just physically. Benefit of both your PT and your PTA being runners is that as you are working to strengthen your body, they are helping you with your head game too.  There are days I think Nathan and Don have more confidence in my ability to finish the half than I do.

And that leads us to now. Training, stretching, rehabbing, prepping and working towards goals. There has been a lot of doubt along the way. A lot of tears.  A lot of evenings spent on the living room floor crying with the heating pad. There have been several times where I thought about quitting. I mean no one would blame me right. Doing a half marathon while obese is stupid enough right? I should lose the weight first, behind closed doors, and then maybe do race. I should let me back fully heal and then worry about working out. Trust me, there has been enough doubt in my head that if at any point my doctor or PT said to back off on the training I would be down for that in a heartbeat. But I haven’t quit. I have learned to acknowledge my doubts and fears, because it is from there that I actually draw motivation. I have learned from those moments and apply those lessons to the future. I lace up my shoes anyway.